To tell you the truth, it’s not just Americans and other foreigners who think of me as a kind of fairy-tale prince or at least as the main character in a fairy tale; I too am often aware of something utterly unbelievable in my own destiny. And I’m less and less able to understand that destiny; at times I even see myself as a minor freak of history. How could this ever have happened to me- and to me in particular- to be in the very center of events so momentous that they determined the fate of many nations and millions of people? Why did I, the author of absurd plays, experience hundreds of absurd situations such as the one that happened on my first visit to the Kremlin?
To the Castle and Back, p. 90
童話故事總愛以主人翁「從此在城堡愉快生活下去」為結尾,捷克名作家哈維爾(Václav Havel)在天鵝絨革命後以異見分子身分登上總統寶座,入主布拉格城堡,經歷幾近童話。但哈維爾畢竟是有血有肉的人,他03年離開城堡,去年出版回憶錄To the Castle and Back,但跟一般(自以為有趣的)政治人物不同,哈維爾這本「回憶錄」別具一格,活像一本文字剪貼簿,過去與現在縱橫交錯,讀着就像跟哈維爾玩捉迷藏。
全書由三部份交互穿插而成,哈維爾從三個層次來審視自己。較為有章法的是哈維爾跟捷克記者 Michael Hvížďala 的書面對談,回顧天鵝絨革命及其後的政治生涯;第二部份則為他當總統時給下屬發的備忘錄;第三部份則是當下的哈維爾,記下05年旅居華盛頓的所見所聞,亦對第一部分及第二部份的哈維爾作省思,可以說是「寫作」回憶錄的心路歷程。
備忘錄部份讀來趣味盎然,可以說是還王子真面目。王子受盡萬千寵愛,似乎威風得很,但備忘錄揭示的,卻是一個老為演說、嘉賓名單及人事問題煩心的「大管家」。為了一展抱負涉足政壇的哈維爾,做夢也沒有想過佔他大半時間的盡是無聊瑣事:國會發表演說要慎防議員空群而出索取簽名;外訪隨團人員無論他如何三令五申都陣容鼎盛……備忘錄盡是「儲物室有隻蝙蝠,我們該如何弄走牠?」「我們要一條更長的水喉淋花」之類教人哭笑不得的瑣事。我常常覺得東歐人特別懂得捕捉世事荒謬,寫荒誕劇的哈維爾當然不會例外。
哈維爾到美國本想安心寫作,但卻動不了筆,重整過去並非易事,他只好通過回答Hvížďala的提問,回首前塵。對話總比一個人自吹自擂好得多,哈維爾不時說Hvížďala的問題尖銳,但也老實表示,自己往往對他的問題加以增刪或重寫,Hvížďala跟他劇本裏的虛構人物差不多。
書末,Hvížďala(也可能是哈維爾本人)問哈維爾,不明白為何像他一樣老是懷疑自己的人,卻可以成為推動改變的力量。我卻想,一個人老是深信自己是救世主,誓要撥亂反正,後果反而不堪設想。哈維爾跟其他政客不同是,他抱着理想主義,但又總是態度謙卑。政客往往用回憶錄為自己臉上貼金,但哈維爾卻用回憶錄認真審視自己。身為畢生都在探問的知識份子,到城堡走了一回後,對人生及對世界的疑問並沒有減少。哈維爾還是20年前在 Disturbing the Peace那個自言性格充滿矛盾的哈維爾。哈維爾是否成功用文字捕捉自己?由異見份子成為一國元首,他是否已鞠躬盡粹,完成所托?世人或根本無法真正說得上「完成」,哈維爾的一段說話可堪玩味:
The beauty of language is that it can never capture precisely what it wants. Language is disconnected, hard, digital as it were, and for that reason, but not only for that reason, it can never completely capture something as connected as reality, experience, or our souls. This opens the door to the magnificent battle for expression and self-expression that has accompanied man down through history. It is a battle without end, and thanks to it, everything that is human is continually being elucidated, each time somewhat differently. Moreover, it is in this battle that man in fact becomes himself. As an individual, and as a species. He simply tries to capture the world and himself more and more exactly through words, images, or actions, and the more he succeeds, the more aware he is that he can never completely capture either the world or himself, nor any part of the world. But that drives him to keep trying, again and again, and thus he continues to define himself more and more exactly. It’s a Sisyphean fate. But it can’t be helped: man will carry the complete truth about himself to the grave, though someone, in the end, will know that truth after all: if not the Lord God, then at least the great memory of Being.
To the Castle and Back, p.347